Deadly Angst
by dare-to-dream-xx
Summary: Renesmee wants to be a teenager like anyone else. But the fact that she's half-immortal is stopping her from doing that; but she's willing to take drastic measures to try to be normal.
1. Chapter 1

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, get downstairs, now!" My mother's voice rang through the hallways of my grandfather's three story house. I rolled my eyes, wondering what it was I did now. Ever since I turned seventeen - physically, anyway - my mother, father, and the rest of my family for that matter, were constantly on my case. I was actually only eight, but my physical appearance and mentality were that of a seventeen year olds. It's the perks of being half-immortal. I sat up, looking around my bedroom; we'd recently moved back into my grandfather's house due to rennovations at our own house. The room was the same as it'd always been. A king sized bed with a spotless white comforter, covered in massive feather pillows, a bedside table that held a lamp and whatever book I was reading that week, a huge bookshelf with books ranging from Les Miserables to the Harry Potter series. My CD collection was alphabetically ordered on top of the book shelves. Everything was so neat, organized, and well... boring.

I stood up, stretching my limbs and curling my toes. I looked down at my stomach, still red and aching from piercing my belly button earlier that day. I pulled my undershirt down over it, and put a loose fitting t-shirt on to make sure my mother didn't see the ring through it. There was no way she was calling me to yell about that, considering Alice and my father, the ones who are normally the ones to bust me, were out hunting for the afternoon. And Jake, well... we'll get to that later. I walked down the stairs, and before I even hit the last one, my mother was standing in front of me. She lifted up my shirt, looking down at the belly ring, then back up at my face, her topaz eyes glaring.

"Renesmee, what the hell is this?" She barked, pointing at it. I jerked away, rolling my eyes. It was so like her to treat me like a baby. She and my father had to be the two most over protective people I'd ever met in my life.

"It's a belly button ring, mother. I got it done earlier today." I said, trying to make it sound very casual; but with her, everything was blown out of proportion. "It's really not that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal?! Renesmee, your father is going to _kill _you!"

"He doesn't have to know!"

"Doesn't have to know? I'm almost positive Alice has already told him. How do you think I found out?" I rolled my eyes again. Seriously? I could never get away with anything with Alice around. Her abilities to see the future were an enormous pain in my ass. Everything I was planning on doing, Alice would see, and tell either my mother or my father. And if you think she blows things out of proportion, you haven't seen anything yet. My dad takes the term 'daddy's little girl' to a whole new level. If my shirt is too low cut, he'll make me either change or put on a jacket. If I want to go somewhere with Jake, despite him knowing Jacob is just as protective as he is, he has to know where we're going, _and _I have a ten o'clock curfew.

Before I could even get another word out, my father stormed through the door, Alice tracing slowly behind him. "Renesmee, take that thing out of your stomach!" He yelled, walking up to me. His eyes were still black, which meant he'd cut the hunting trip short. I turned and went to storm back into my room, when he grabbed my arm. Because I was half human, it was still easy for me to get hurt. Not as easy as it was for other humans, but when your father can lift up an entire car with one hand, it hurts pretty badly. I jerked away from him, irritated by the fact that he'd resort to putting his hands on me to asert his authority. I walked back into my room, locking the doow, which was stupid considering he could rip it down. I slipped on my jacket and opened my window, jumping out and taking off running before Alice or my father could have an idea of what I was doing.

I wasn't running away. Running away was stupid. I was just going for a run to clear my head. I ran all the way to the Quileute reservation. After the almost-fight with the Volturi, they called the treaty off. I went to the cliffs, sitting down and letting my feet hanging over the edge. The only reason I;d taken off is because everything seemed so crazy lately. My parents were arguing with each other, with me, with everyone... Every small thing turned into a big deal. My belly ring was just one thing. I highlighted my hair, dad pitched a fit. I wore a shirt that showed my belly, mom liked to have a heart attack. Came home one night at 10:15 after going to a movie with some friends, Jacob was nearly in tears, trying to call the police.

Some people call in teenage angst. I call it parental-psyopathivity - if that's a word. So for the next few hours or so, I sat at the edge of the cliffs silently. My phone was ringing constantly, so I did something a little...crazy. I took my phone out of my pocket and threw it off of the cliff, watching it fall into the water with a small splash. Right after I did it, I immeditally regretted it. I stood up, doing something even more stupid than throwing my phone off of the cliff in the first place. I took my shoes off, took a deep breath, and leapt from the cliff. It was the same cliff my mother jumped off of when my father left her, and that feeling of adreniline she'd described to me hit me as I soared down, laughing and screaming at the rush. There was a part of me that was doing this for my phone, but there was another part of me - a much bigger part - that was doing this to be able to feel something. That's why I'd been acting so rebellious lately; I felt numb all the time. I'd had the same routine every single day, wake up, home school, dinner, shower, bed, lather, rinse, repeat. Everything was so boring... I took a deep breath and held it in, then hit the water. It would've hurt much worse, had I not been half immortal. I sunk deeper and deeper into the water, the current tossing me around like a rag doll. I kept my eyes everywhere, but couldn't see my phone. The half mortal side of me was starting to kick in when I realized I needed air. I kicked my arms and legs violently, trying my hardest to reach the surface. I couldn't tell which way was up, which way was down... I could feel myself slowly losing conciousness; I started to panic. I'd never see my family again, I'd never see Jacob again...

I felt the blackness taking over my every move, my every thought... I couldn't hold on anymore...


	2. Chapter 2

-

I started dreaming. Jacob and I were laying in a field, surrounded by flowers and grass, the wind blowing all around us. His warm, strong arms held onto me almost protectively, and we looked up at the sky, counting the clouds. I'd always been scared of falling in love with Jacob. And the fact that he'd imprinted on me meant I wasn't allowed to have my options open when it came to dating. But for some reason, it didn't bother me all that much. I liked being around Jake. I liked the feeling of his warm skin, hearing his heart beat when I'm laying on his chest.

_Thump, thump, thunp..._

I crinkled my eyebrows, realizing his heartbeat sounded a little... weird.

_Thump... thump... thump..._

"Wake up, Renesmee! Come on!" I looked up at him, his face in a sudden panic. I raised an eyebrow. He sat up and threw me to the ground, leaning over me. He started compressing my chest, and I started jerking around, trying to get him off of me. All of a sudden, I remembered what happened. My lungs and throat started to burn, my breaths came shorter and shorter.

"Jacob, is she breathing?!" My father's panicked voice called from somewhere close behind him.

"I-I don't know!" Jacob replied, his voice cracking. I struggled to open my eyes. I started coughing, trying to get the water out of my lungs. My breaths started coming slightly easier, but it stilled burned like crazy. "Nessie!" He cried, pulling me into a sitting up position. I struggled to open my eyes, coughing up the water.

-

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, do you have _any _idea of the hell that you've just put us through?" My father yelled. Carlisle had me laid up on the couch, covered in a heating blanket, with bottled water and bags of blood covering the coffee table. They wanted to make sure they kept me hydrated. I felt so small sitting on that couch, surrounded by my entire family, including Charlie, all of them watching me carefully. "What were you trying to do?"

I didn't reply. My father paced across the living room, looking down at the floor. His fists were clenched, and his eyes were squinted. My mother sat down next to me, rubbing my back. "Renesmee, we're just trying to understand." I could see the look of concern in my mother's eyes.

"I was just... trying to feel something..." I said, trying to choke back tears. My father looked up at me, looking more enraged than ever.

"What the hell does that even mean, Renesmee?!" He yelled. "You do realize you're half human? Which means a stupid stunt like that could kill you! You're just lucky Alice saw you jump. Now go in your room. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night."

I fought back the tears as I stood up and walked up to my room. I closed the door behind me, and walked over to my bed. I knew what I'd done was extremely stupid, but like I said. The numbness of my routine was pretty much ruining my outlook on life. I heard a soft knock on my door. My dad walked in, shutting the door quietly behind him. He looked up, meeting my eyes for just a moment before walking over to the bed. "Renesmee, listen. I've calmed down, and I'm ready to try and talk this out. Can you please tell me why you jumped off the cliff, risking your life and almost taking yourself away from me forever?"

"I told you, daddy... I was just trying to feel something. Everything's always the same. I never feel happy, sad, excited. Anything. I just feel numb all the time."

"Renesmee, there are better ways to go by going that. We'll take you skydiving, anything you want. Just please... Never do anything like that ever again. I really don't know what I'd do if I lost you." He said, frowning. I suddenly felt slightly guilty. "You have to understand. Everyone in this house loves you. And they were so upset when Alice told them what happened. Esme would have cried if she could. She lost a child, remember?" I nodded slightly. "None of us want to see anything bad happen to you. That's why we're so protective. Ask your mother, I was the same way before she changed." He smiled slightly and wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, baby. Get some rest." He kissed my forehead and got up, walking out of the room. I laid flat on my pillow, staring at my ceiling. I sighed out loud, and started thinking. I knew my family loved me. But it wasn't enough. I had to come up with a plan to get out of this funk I was in. But what to do? I started drifting off to sleep, and before I hit unconciousness, it hit me. I was buying a streetbike. History repeating itself?


End file.
